I assume you read the title of this blog post and immediately envisioned me screaming in the middle of my kitchen at the sight of my surroundings going up in flames, after an innocent pasta sesh gone wrong. Don’t be alarmed, thankfully this is not the case. In fact, the title of this post is not true at all.
Don’t worry though, I didn’t use click-bait, this was just an excuse I used to get out of meeting up with friends in Year 7. You know, because I was so anti-social.
I would say that I was a very attention seeking child, to some extent I suppose I still am. And, along with my annoying need to be looked at, I was also a very avid liar.
Now, of course, lying is wrong; it gets you into all kinds of shit. Personally, I try my best to avoid being deceitful, unless I’m in a game of ‘never have I ever’, in which case all of my morality regresses, and truth goes out of the window.
I didn’t have this attitude when I was younger. I mean, I never went to enough parties to gather an opinion on whether or not lying in a social game is acceptable. However, I did think that lying was generally okay.
Usually, I would lie about finishing the last packet of crisps, not loading plates into the dishwasher, forgetting to feed the dog. So, never anything too serious. I would refrain from lying about issues that would potentially get me into more trouble.
‘But how is this relevant?’ – something I hear a lot from my teachers, and a phrase I can hear you saying right now.
Well, as established, I used to love being the centre of attention, and I was also incredibly anti-social. Put these two things together, along with the characteristic of being a good liar; you almost make Jay from ‘The Inbetweeners’, as well as my Year 7 self.
To get out of events I would come up with some trivial excuse that would mean I could stay in and watch EastEnders. Yes, it was a rough period in my life.
My friends did catch on, and it reached a point where I couldn’t keep coming up with short-term excuses to get my (almost) daily doses of Ian Beale and Phil Mitchell. So, I knew that I had to think of something more dramatic, but not unbelievable. Something more long-term, and could last for months on end, not just a few days.
I told my friends that I burned down my kitchen cabinets.
I think I was boiling pasta and the water overflowed, the context of the lie escapes me. However, my friends were so gullible that they believed me. I mean, I did tell them that my brother died, and their parents almost called mine (i know, dark).
For about four months I maintained this lie that my mum wouldn’t let me leave the house as punishment for my sinful actions. My friends were none-the-wiser, and after a while it was just assumed that I was unable to leave the house because of that small house fire I caused one time.
It was great. I didn’t have to hang out with acquaintances in Years 7-9 if I didn’t want to, and I could be silently anti-social without looking like I actually wanted to be at home. The lie never really manifested itself, and people didn’t realise what a pathological liar I really was.
However, one minor issue about the whole ordeal was that I didn’t really have a social life. Although, as people thought me to be credible, I made up for it with lies to sound more interesting; we all remember my fake boyfriend.
Eventually I stopped lying. And by the end of Year 10, my friends and I had completely forgotten about my little culinary accident. In fact, I think it was only around Christmas time last year that they finally found out the truth.
So, I guess the moral of the story is that it’s okay to lie if you are good at it, and if it has potential to be a funny story in about 5 years’ time. Or, I suppose you could also argue that the moral is that you shouldn’t lie at all, and that the truth always comes out eventually. Personally, I prefer the former.
I hope you enjoyed this, although I am sure I will get shouted at by my parents for telling my friends that that my brother got run over by a Volvo estate in Year 7.
P.S. I do remember to feed my dog – please don’t call PETA. Thx xx