Diagnoses

You’re an Annoying Person Diagnosis

Symptoms are as follows;

  • You are louder than most people
  • Tutting when behind someone in a queue
  • Most people tend grit their teeth when in a conversation with you
  • You get on a train when others are still walking off
  • You walk slowly behind and in front of people
  • Tending to ignore kind and affectionate gestures eg holding the door open
  • Forgetting your manners more often than not
  • Using abbreviations like “lol”, “omg” and “yolo” out loud
  • Listening to a song with a group of people and singing the lyrics wrong repeatedly
  • You ignore advice
  • When you constantly fish for compliments yet can’t accept them
  •  You eat with your mouth open and enjoy speaking about 10cm away from the face of the opposite person, who narrowly misses the piece of fish that splatters out of your mouth and on to their plate (and you don’t apologize)
  • You don’t wear deodorant because you think that smelling like a homeless old man is perfectly normal? (By the way; it’s not)
  •  You don’t pick up your dog’s poo for the enjoyment of the next person who steps in that little bundle of joy
  • You like to lie. A lot.
  • Having little or no friends (bit harsh I know
  • You walk up to people and begin a conversation however you fail to try to carry it on and seem disinterested when the recipient is trying to carry on the mess you made
  • Or you sit by a group of people and expect them to talk to you
  • You have nothing to say apart from bitching about the same person over and over again

This is a common illness so do not fret if you suffer from a couple of these (however if you don’t use deodorant then I advise that you should buy some. It actually works.)

This said, if you have seven or more of these symptoms then some common treatments include;

-stop doing all of your symptoms for the sanity of others
I hope this helps!

Best wishes,

Sofia

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