How to Procrastinate 

Here are my top tips;

  • Make sure that you have an important issue/assignment to complete.
  • Write down the deadline for its conpletion.
  • Look at the date.
  • Keeping looking.
  • Stare at it for 5 minutes
  • Whilst doing so – contemplate what you’re gong to have for dinner, how you’re going to make it. Contemplate your entire existence, have an existential crisis. That’s when you know you’re ready.
  • Ready to shut that diary/ whatever piece of crap that you just wrote the date on and do something utterly irrelevant – change that lightbulb, dust that spot above the sofa, scroll through your My Trending Stories feed. *Do things that are entertaining, ones that will delay you. 
  • Next thing you need to do is to make sure that the space around your desk is tidy. Clear up bits of rubbish and make sure that it looks presentable. You can’t start the task when you can’t see past the pieces of paper covering your workspace.
  • Okay, now you need to actually sit down and begin whatever it is that you need to do.
  • Not for too long – you need some snacks.
  • Go to your kitchen and grab some food. *Making something, like a sandwich, is good for procrastination. However, going to the shops is better.
  • Snacked up? Good. Let’s do some work now.
  • Work.
  • Work.
  • Ding.
  • Hold on. Is that a Facebook notification I hear? 
  • Check it.
  • Once you’ve seen the sarcastic and completely illiterate comment that Auntie Val has written beneath your photo, look at the rest of her profile.
  • Actually, whilst you’re at it, you may as well find out what your cousins are up to.
  • And all other friends.
  • And their children.
  • Right, that’s enough staking.
  • Turn of your notifications and get back to your task.
  • Work.
  • Work.
  • Work.
  • Has it been 10 minutes yet? If so, you need the toilet. *Remember to bring your phone.
  • 20 minutes of successful procrastination later (great work by the way) you remember that you need to moisturise your legs.
  • Moisturise your legs.
  • Okay, you should probably do some work now. Perhaps a little longer this time.
  • You still there? 
  • Isn’t a new season of your favourite TV programme starting today? 
  • Stop what you’re doing – you have to prepare.
  • Spend the rest of the hours leading up to the episode catching up on previous ones, reading pointless articles about the programme and sharing your excitement on Twitter.
  • Watch the episode.
  • Over? Was it good? 
  • Great. Now you need to make dinner/ order something (anything that floats your boat)
  • Eat.
  • Eat.
  • Eat.
  • Wait, is that the time? Wow, it’s late. 
  • Your task can wait until tomorrow, you know, the day when your family are coming round for a fairly large get-together – good luck with getting anything done.
  • Repeat previous steps until reach the night before the deadline. (i.e the most stressful night of your life)

*you may have found some of this post slightly humerus and that’s great, but the sad thing about this is that this post is a fantastic representation of my life.

On that note…..

Best wishes,



3 thoughts on “How to Procrastinate 

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