How to be Fabuloso

It’s common knowledge that I am too wonderful that it hurts, so I thought I would share my secrets with you. (Most of these things I don’t do; fabulous comes naturally to me)

You need to;

  • Change your name to Sofia (not compulsory, but it is preferred)
  • Have at most 8 hours sleep, you don’t want to look too awake. The “dead” look turns a lot of heads so I tend to go with that.
  • Dress okay-ish. Keep it comfortable and classy.
  • Wear minimal makeup; you don’t want to hide the bags under your eyes.
  • Intend to do healthy activities ie go running and then forget. (Jelly > jogging)
  • Ignore people who are annoying and way too energetic- no one needs that first thing on a Monday morning, or indeed, ever.
  • Binge watch Netflix programmes instead of doing homework or revision. I can learn about Mitochondria tomorrow, right?
  • Forget important information that people tell you to do.
  • Perfect a good fake laugh that is adaptable for all situations.
  • Eat more energy than you use up.
  • Spend money on food that you should probably save up for something more important. But to be fair, what’s more important than a Tesco meal deal? Exactly.
  • Have nerdy friends to make yourself feel more intellectual (or stupid- depending on how you look at it).
  • Smell like flowers.
  • Sing like Cheryl Cole.
  • Radiate sass.
  • Act like a superstar. Always.
  • Prefect the hair flip/flick- useful for every conversation and weather problems.
  • Master the act of having two personalities in lessons- mute and high volume (will damage your ears if listened to for more that two hours)
  • Be content with your own company.
  • Be content with your own dance moves- I mean seriously, call me Mr Michael Jackson. Actually don’t.
  • Live in England for fifteen years, and deal with the consequence of having the lightest, fairest face known to man.
  • Burn like plastic in an oven.
  • Be known to your local sweet shop manager on a first name basis. Yes, I’m at that level. You can’t deny the haribo people.
  • Let the haters suffocate on their wasted breathe.
  • Finally, SLAY.

That’s all.
Until next time,



4 thoughts on “How to be Fabuloso

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