You’re a Tourist Diagnosis 

Everyone is secretly a little bit self-conscious about looking like, and being a tourist.

Honestly, I am not ashamed to admit that I have been a stereotypical tourist; it’s just something that you just have to take on board and deal with for a week or two. So, at the end of the day, you shouldn’t be ashamed either.

This said, the first step to overcoming the hideously annoying personality trait is always the hardest. In this case the key is to acknowledge the evidence and accept it.

So that’s where I come in.

I will display a list of common symptoms and if you have done/ suffered the following, you need to get less irritating. Please.

  • Firstly, you have pulled out a map in the middle of the street, not just once, but multiple times. In fact, you have pulled out said map more frequently than you would whip out your phone at a boring af family function.
  • You have taken a selfie using a selfie stick. In public. Seriously, for the love of God, put it away.
  • You have stopped in the middle of a busy pavement during rush hour. *I mean, it’s great that you love the architecture so much, and it’s even better that you are appreciating it, just make sure when you have your little numinous moments you stand on the road, in front of that big red double-decker bus coming towards you.
  • You have been openly racist, said some disrespectful saying, or a sweeping generalisation in front of a group of locals. *Don’t blame me when you have unexpected cups of tea being thrown in your face.
  • You have travelled on a tourist bus in the city.
  • You don’t understand their metro/ train system. *What do the coloured lines mean???
  • You have tried (and failed) as speaking the language.
  • You visit more high key tourist areas in 3 days than a local would in 10 years.
  • The jet lag is real. So goddamn real.
  • Overpacking is essential to your holiday.
  • You blow your budget in about an hour, buying shitty keychains and fridge magnets that you will never ever use again.
  • Don’t forget the overpriced t-shirts and baseball caps.
  • You spend your day checking your watch, comparing that time to the one back home.
  • Everything is super expensive.
  • Your suitcase becomes 10x heavier after the holiday due to the endless amount of leaflets and guides that you were bombarded with during your trip.
  • By the end of the trip you have tried to blend in with everyone else; changing your fashion sense, accent and demeanour to fit in.
  • You walk loads. I mean, more than 10,000 steps a day.
  • Everything you see is a good photo opportunity.
  • Meeting other tourists give you “life”
  • You check trip advisor more than Facebook.
  • And that’s saying something, as the amount of photographs you are sharing on there is enough to make the Kardashians cringe.
  • You take more pictures of food than necessary. *Which is none btw.
  • You have had the runs due to the cuisine served.
  • Asking for directions only made you lost as they sent you the wrong way. Thanks a bunch.
  • You are either unbelievably sunburnt, the same colour, or unbelievably tanned (and everyone takes the piss regardless).
  • You drink like a fish just because.
  • You like to travel in groups no fewer than 4.

Are more than 10 of these ticked off? Well that only means one thing: you are a fully fledged tourist. Congrats.


  • Pretend that you are not a tourist
  • Stop doing all of the above
  • Chill out a lil bit

Best wishes,



2 thoughts on “You’re a Tourist Diagnosis 

  1. Yasss.. I think my mum has done every single one of these and it’s so annoying especially standing in the middle of a busy pavement. I went to London a couple of months ago with my friends. I used to live in London and my friends don’t go to London that often so I had to be their tour guide and it was so funny, haha 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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