There are a couple of prime examples in the world of people who took my advice and rode that wave straight to hatred city, do you want to be one of the lucky few?
- Have controversial opinions – make sure that no one else agrees with you.
- Bitch behind everyone’s back – there is no one more dislikeable than someone who enjoys making fun of their ‘friends’ behind their back, and no one more hateable than someone who does so but pretends that they don’t.
- Be untrustworthy – never keep a secret, it’s a fantastic trait to have if you want to have no friends.
- Lie – it’s fun and makes you seem like a jerk
- Don’t say sorry first – whenever you realise that you are wrong, forget about it, and remind yourself that you are amazing and have massive ego
- Always reply with ‘haha’ and nothing else – this is acceptable from time to time, however, there is nothing more dislikeable than someone who is unable to use actual words to reply to something amusing.
- Or never replying to texts and calls – be sure to leave the ‘Read’ receipts on too for full effect.
- Ask for everyone’s Snapchat name – there is nothing more attractive, believe me.
- Don’t pay attention to current affairs – ‘lol who is tereasa mai?’
- Become a daily mail columnist – I mean you will have the company of such great influencers and dick-heads, so why not?
- Be ill-mannered – flat-out rudeness, skipping queues (lol so british), unkindness to those of less privilege, having terrible dining manners and exhibiting foul language in public can all help you become disliked.
- Have zero loyalty – be that friend
- Say the brand name ‘Nike’ wrong (it’s nikey btw) – this one is a pet peeve and I am not sorry for enforcing this onto you as it annoys the shit out of me.
- Be purposefully ignorant – join conversations that are obviously serious, and make some sort of cretinous comment to really lighten the mood and turn faces into disgust.
- Have a lack of ability to read situations – for example don’t make fun of a serious situation in front of a classroom of students
- Make sure that you can’t take a hint – it’s a good attribute to have
- Be incapable of not having your phone for more than a day – always have it by your side, and when you are out with others, prioritise speaking to your online pals rather than the people who have given up their time to be with you.
- Have a certain type of arrogance – carry it with you wherever you go, it is a necessary device
- Never quit a debate or conversation in which you have proved that you were right – we get it – you are right – now you can stop pestering everyone about it
- Be an arse
- Contradict your beliefs – be incredibly hypocritical.
- Have a lack of sense of humour – make sure that you are so boring that people have to imagine you having a personality
- Be smarmy – think Piers Morgan
That’s all folks, sorry that it has been a while.