~Please don’t listen to my advice, there is a reason I don’t go to parties. But if you don’t care and need all of the help you can get, these may be of some use~
- Do drink underage and post the photos of you doing so on your public social media platforms. It won’t come back to haunt you.
- Make sure that you dress inappropriately. *You have to do this in order to fit in
- Don’t start an Instagram or Facebook live whilst at the party. Don’t be annoying.
- Try to refrain from over energetic dance moves that hit everyone in the face.
- Do succumb to peer pressure. Sure, go against everything you have learnt during the PSHE lessons you were forced to sit through.
- Don’t be yourself when interacting with others. Don’t tell them weird shit; save that until they stumble across your Facebook profile and scroll down to May 2010 and are forced to explain yourself.
- Do make eye contact with people. Try not to blink and see how long it takes until they become uncomfortable.
- Pretend to be really ‘popular’ to get everyone from other schools to like you. (And to boost you following on social media)
- Do get top ups for your drink from that dodgy kid at the back of your French class.
- Do try to like pop music for a few hours, especially songs like ‘ciao adios’ and ‘text from your ex’ that are particularly unlistenable and are shit, yet everyone somehow likes them anyway.
- Don’t let anyone snatch your alcohol or spike your drink; bring your own two-litre lemonade bottle filled with a vodka mix to keep you happy.
- Don’t accidently call the police.
- But do accidently call everyone who wasn’t invited and tell them what a great time your are having.
- Do make sure that your group takes loads of photos on social media -specifically Facebook – tagging you so that your family are also aware of the illegal happenings and refuse to allow you to go to another party for a couple of weeks.
- Don’t start a conversation with that one girl who speaks too much because we all know that it won’t end. In fact, that goes for starting a conversation with an unbearably dull person – just don’t do it.
- Do make sure that the host’s parents are aware of the party and/ or are okay with the idea of having drunk, and heavily stoned, teenagers stumbling around their house for a few hours.
- Don’t volunteer to DJ the party. I mean, you can, but people will most definitely get pissed off with you for not succumbing to their shitty music taste.
- Also, don’t be the one to get pissed off with the DJ.
- Refrain from drug abuse (except from paracetamol intake for a sore head)
- Don’t go with any friends, this way you are more awkward and therefore fewer people will come up to you.
- Do turn up uninvited – this goes down a real treat.
I hope some of these didn’t/ did help.