For those who have no idea, Snapchat is a video/ photo sharing platform on which teenagers share and send random crap to each other that, most of the time, contextually doesn’t make sense.
So I thought that, after offending all of my mum’s friends on Facebook, I would offend all of my own by complaining about their Snapchat habits. Enjoy 🙂
- Okay I think the first ”don’t” has to be one about posting loads of crap on your story. Obviously it’s lovely that you are enjoying your day out, I just don’t want to see every second of it, even if you think that your friends are being particularly entertaining.
- And that also goes for posting loads of unfunny memes. Just don’t.
- Do try to make your snapchats funny, or at least broadly interesting.
- But please don’t indirect your crush, because no one needs a crying selfie with the caption “pain”. No one asked for that amount of cringe in their life – use Twitter.
- And don’t use your story to target certain people in a negative way. For example, when someone posts something like “so pissed off *huffing face* *huffing face*”, no one actually cares. Similarly when you complain about how you “can’t believe he’s done this”, what do you think that guy’s thinking? (probably ‘thank fuck I got out of that one’)
- Don’t publically drug deal on Snapchat. It’s kind of funny, but it’s also a little too much lol.
- Do use the Snapchat filters – live your life – but don’t overuse them. We all get that they are humorous, but it’s also nice to actually see someone’s face.
- Don’t believe that streaks are the be-all and end-all of every friendship that you have. Yes it’s significant that you have sent a Snapchat to someone for 573 days in a row, but how many conversations with that person have you had in that time? Try having an actual conversation from time to time.
- On the topic of having a streak with someone, what’s the point if that person only sends a blank screen with the letter ‘s’ or the word ”streaks”?
- Don’t ask random people you don’t know for nudes because it’s creepy af.
- Do try and sound normal on Snapchat. Playing up for your mates and sounding extra road would work if you weren’t a posh white boy from Buckinghamshire.
- Likewise if you are road, don’t try to sound extra aggressive with something like “holllaaaa mans got 7grand in his account, mad ting. Mans gonna have bare Armani innit smd. Shank o clock.” As a posh white girl from Buckinghamshire I’m not amused.
- Don’t have conversations with people when they are sending ugly photos of themselves and you are just sending photos of a black screen. What’s up with that?
- Do use the text section carefully, we all know how easy pressing the call button is.
- And how annoying is it when you’re halfway through typing your reply to someone and their bitmoji pops up, meaning that they’re ready to interrupt you at any moment so you type extra quickly, thus creating a spew of words even autocorrect can’t interpret? Very. So just wait.
- Don’t get into the ‘let’s send each other pics of our face without any comment’ conversation, because you can’t get out of it without looking like a bad person.
- Don’t post on your story for people to “pop up” or “ft (facetime)” and say that you don’t care who, because that makes everyone feel so loved and wanted (and also makes you sound desperate).
- Also, please don’t post on your story that you will be giving “sr (slow replies)” or “nr (no replies)”, because does anyone actually give a shit? I can wait for your Snapchat, especially when I don’t Snapchat you, or when I know that it’s just going to have the word “streaks” on it.
- Don’t open something and not reply within the next minute. Actually, scrap that, make it 15 seconds lol.
- Do create Snapchat group chats, just please don’t spam them.
- And finally, don’t block me on Snapmaps – I want to stalk your every movement.
That’s all I have for now, but (don’t) feel free to give me more reasons to write a Part 2 to this.