13 Reasons Why I Am Still Single

Hey, it’s Hannah. Oh shit, that’s not my name.

My name is in fact Sofia, and that joke probably cost me three followers and the respect of most teenagers lol.

Anyway, in an attempt to make myself feel slightly better about my current relationship status (although it didn’t help), I contemplated why I am so alone; creating a list of 13 reasons why I still buy chocolate for myself.


  1. The origins of my loneliness can be traced back to Year 6, when I made the unfortunate decision to attend an all-girls’ school. This, for obvious reasons, didn’t help with the dating situation, as I spent 5 years surrounded by people with the wrong sex organ.
  2. However, as there was a boys’ school down the road, there was still a very slim chance of someone finding me vaguely attractive, especially as everyone knows that the guys and girls who were sociable when they were 11 go far in the relationship field. Sadly, I was always too afraid to speak to the opposite gender, and my horizons faded away.
  3. I then thought of the reason why the 11-year old boys didn’t speak to me, and immediately though it was the fact that I was too weird for them to cope with. I mean, my peculiarity repels people from being friends with, or associating with, me, so why should it be different for potential man-friends?
  4. I also considered the absence of having a Musical.ly account, and then concluded that having one would probably reduce the number of suitors clogging up my emails instead of ramping it up. This said, I have listed this as one of the reasons for my single life, because if I had an account, at least there would be a couple of 9-year olds who might find me attractive.
  5. As I metaphorically travelled through school, one of the big issues that emerged was my unrealistic relationship expectations. Watching films, reading shitty, romantic books, and listening to old Taylor Swift when I was 13/14, completely altered the way I envision having a relationship. Realistic isn’t first word that comes to mind when I picture my future boyfriend, and personally, I don’t think that I can settle for a simple slide in my DMs: I need roses, chocolate, Ryan Gosling, handwritten letters, public serenading, mixtapes, poems – the simple stuff.
  6. Oh, and I also became very needy.
  7. Another thing that didn’t help was the development of my social-awkwardness. I can’t function properly in an environment with other people without muttering ‘fml’ under my breath after every interaction or at the sight of potential interactions. So, you can imagine what I was like when I went to prom.
  8. Then I decided to stay at my school, which means that I will be spending my prime years (lol), surrounded by people whose opinions of my attractiveness don’t matter to me. I guess I could’ve taken my baggage to a mixed school, but I am too lazy, too scared and too hormonal for that kind of commitment, so I suppose being suppressed in an all-girls’ school works for the time being.
  9. Honestly, I am a big advocate for double-texting – something that I have been repeatedly told is a thing that people hate. I understand that this can be a massive turn-off, but I personally don’t believe that spamming people is a problem – I guess the number of guys I talk to speaks for itself.
  10. This said, the reason why I may not communicate with as many boys as my face suggests I should could be that I don’t actually like most of them. Now, don’t get me wrong, boys can be very lovely, but most of the time they aren’t and don’t text back. So, the lack of decent men in my life is definitely a reason why I am still single, not that they are throwing themselves at me anyway.
  11. The other thing about guys is that the ones who are attractive and have gReAT pErSOnaLiTIes are often the ones who are already taken. And, seeing as my relationship expectations are still the same as they were when I was a young teenager, I will have to keep waiting until there’s an availability.
  12. Another major reason as to why I am still single is that no one understands my obscure vine references, and this deeply, deeply upsets me and is one of the biggest red-flags. So essentially, I am turned-off by every guy I speak to due to their ignorance.
  13. Finally, the single life chose me. Don’t be mistaken, I didn’t intend to be in my mid-teens with a scented candle obsession and without being in a long-term relationship or having a steady income. You never know, from now until my next post, I might even buy a cat.

Honestly, I have no idea why I am single. Have you seen me? I am literally perfect.

That said, I’m good with not having to share my food for now. Although, if you ask me in a couple of days if I want to have a boyfriend, I will probably put up my cats for adoption and willingly hand myself over to the next potential suitor.

Best wishes,

Sofia

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15 Reasons Why I Love Myself (lol)

Okay, since I posted 12 Reasons I Will Be Staying In Summer I have had a lot of worried relatives call my mum and ask her whether or not I am mentally stable (which I am lol).

So instead of responding by updating my Facebook status and letting everyone know that I’m not an anti-social recluse who spends the majority of the day indoors; I thought I would reply with a blog post insinuating that I write in a highly exaggerative way.

This one is for all those who are worried about me because #canttakeajoke


  1. I love that I have great patience.
  2. I can judge characters well.
  3. My music taste is amazing.
  4. Sometimes I look like an 8.5 instead of a 6.4
  5. Once I ate 2 medium Domino’s Pizzas without throwing up.
  6. My eyeliner skills are out of this world.
  7. I am very humble.
  8. Babysitting is my passion and I am very good at doing nothing for hours.
  9. I have a great ability to come across as more intelligent than I actually am.
  10. I can make excellent double-chins and can maximise them in any social situation.
  11. Although I have no musical talent I am still able to play the chords of ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele.
  12. My eyes are pretty.
  13. I am fantastic at making friends with people who are actually nice.
  14. I know my strengths and weaknesses.
  15. When I was 8 I taught myself the whole of the Hoedown Throwdown dance from ‘Hannah Montana the Movie’ and can still perform it on command.

That’s all I can think of.

Stay tuned for: 52 Reasons Why I Hate Myself. Coming soon…


I hope that you all enjoyed this blog post, and I am sorry if it came across as too salty lol.

Best wishes,

Sofia

12 Reasons Why I Will Be Staying In This Summer

My GCSEs officially ended three Fridays again, which explains the unexplained absence and the two month holiday that follows; during which I know many are going abroad and chilling with friends, although this cannot be said for me, as I hope to waste those precious days eating and watching films everyday (bro). Well, maybe every other day. Here are 12 reasons why..


  1. Unless you look like an Instagram model and have a great figure, summer is shit. Personally this time of the year is when I am most insecure; I mean who wouldn’t be when they look like a rhino in shorts. So naturally I’m not the first to adventure into the outside without a jumper or a winter jacket, let alone frolic in a bikini by the beach.
  2. Also, as the UK decided to get uncharacteristically hot this week, random insects emerged and settled on my skin, leaving shitty little bites everywhere; bites that aren’t going down (similar to my self-esteem).
  3. Having 5 weeks of GCSEs has really taken its toll on my emotional wellbeing, therefore it’s important to allow time for recovery in the form of sleep and frozen pizza, both of which can be done indoors. (btw I would usually eat pasta but after having it so often over the past month it makes me gag now)
  4. My face also needs to be kept away from civilisation due to the affect exams have had on it. The bags that are swallowing my eyes, as well as the new and unwelcomed arrival of spots need to be contained. So I can’t go outside and allow anyone to see me. Ever.
  5. TLC is important (not the band, but it’s okay if you feel that way I guess), and so catching up on TV is becoming my main way of chilling out and destroying the remaining brain cells I have left. And I don’t know about you, but watching the final season of PLL has been the single-most underwhelming experience that I have ever endured, meaning that no one should ever be able to witness the frustration I aim towards inanimate objects whilst forcing myself to watch it. The same goes for Love Island, although it’s arguably more entertaining and has a better plot in 30 episodes than 7 wasted years of PLL.
  6. With all of my friends being in the same year as me, meeting up with them should be a lot easier, right? Wrong. It just so happens that even though we have almost 3 months of holidaying, the majority of our time off is spent doing work experience and forcing ourselves to be busy. Thus, the free days I have don’t correlate with my friends’, and so I spend my time pretending to have fun by myself. (and for the record, Nando’s is never as much fun by yourself)
  7. Reluctantly, reading was put on a back burner during the exam period, and now, with the vast amount of novels I need to plough through this summer, I think I will be spending most of my time reading. I guess reading isn’t really excuse to stay indoors as it is an extremely versatile activity that can be done anywhere, however, personally, I prefer to read in the comfort of myself due to the paranoia that engulfs me whenever I read in public.
  8. A few weeks ago I went to my sixth form induction day, which was thrilling. It was a day of taster sessions in which I was told the same information about the new syllabus I already knew, a day of meeting the practically mute new people who probably hated me, and a day of being loaded with ‘bridging work’: a shit tonne of homework that you are expected to complete before September. So excuse me while I stay at home for a few weeks, I have to mentally prepare for A levels.
  9. Also, just because I now have an extended summer holiday doesn’t mean that I’m going to change my lifestyle and usual timetable (as much as my parents want me to). The holiday is my chance to do the same things that I have been doing for the past few months but without the screaming guilt and panic I used to have when I was supposed to be doing something of *greater importance. And even though I do have considerable less friends than many, I don’t think that it’s done me much harm.
  10. Winter is approaching. I mean, it’s not really, but I am so prepared for it to come. I am ready. My skin is of the whitest colour (a few weeks ago I was matched for foundation and apparently I’m shade 00, which doesn’t stock in stores because it’s so light; I guess that’s a realisation if ever I’ve had one), and so when paired with the glaring sun I go red af. However place me in the snow and the cold breeze I fit right in.
  11. Okay, but seriously now, why do people go outside into the blazing heat and complain about getting hyperthermia when you can stay inside with a broken fan and dodgy aircon that prevents overly unhygienic sweating and, in certain circumstances, death.
  12. For many, festivals like Glastonbury are the epitome of summer in Britain, but why go outside to a shitty field (quite literally) with overflowing toilets and a sticky flesh-on-flesh environment when you can watch the whole thing from your sofa? Exactly. Nowadays, as much as people hate, everything is on social media, so why bother going out with your friends when they can post everything on Snapchat and make you feel incredibly upset and excluded? (another) Exactly.

Is this enough to allow me to stay indoors, Mum?


I hope you enjoyed this blog post. I am sorry that it’s been a couple of months.

 

Best wishes,

Sofia

Things I Do And What They *Actually* Mean

Hey guys,

How’s it going?

I have conducted a list of particular things that I do and the real reasons why I do them.

Please enjoy 🙂


  • Yawning

What people think it means: I am bored.

What it actually means: I am incredibly sleep deprived and am finding it very difficult to stay awake. At times it could mean that I am bored, which is why you may often catch my mouth gaping maths.


  • Rolling my eyes

What people think it means: I am being rude.

What it actually means: I have had enough of your bs/ mockery and I am being rude.


  • Laughing

What people think it means: I find something funny.

What it actually means: I probably don’t find something funny and am sparing your feelings by pretending that your god awful joke is the optimum of hilarity, when in actual fact my dog could make me laugh more. Or I find something actually funny, in which case you would know.


  • I am being weirdly quiet

What people think it means: I am an introvert.

What it actually means: I don’t feel fully comfortable in your presence to unleash my full potential (which is huge btw) and so I am being incredibly socially awkward.


  • I am being super hyper

What people think it means: I am weird.

What it actually means: It is really early in the morning, I have eaten too many sweets or both. (Usually both)


  • I am not dancing

What people think it means: I am shy.

What it actually means: I am embarrassed, awkward and my friends aren’t with me so I feel insecure.


  • I say that I don’t mind what [we] eat

What people think it means: I am indecisive.

What it actually means: I am too hungry to care where we go and what we shove in our mouths, meaning that I don’t care what we eat and how we end up there.


  • I am busy

What people think it means: I am busy.

What it actually means: I am busy doing nothing. (Or I am actually busy)


  • I am not texting back

What people think it means: They have done something wrong, that I am busy or that I am being impolite..

What it actually means: I have forgotten to reply and feel too ashamed to text back when I remember that I have received a message – which is a crap excuse.


  • I wake up late

What people think it means: I am being *insert middle aged mum voice* a typical teenager.

What it actually means: FUCJINHG SLEEP DEPRIVATION


  • Talking about weather

What people think it means: I am enduring small-talk.

What it actually means: What people think it means.


  • Going on Buzzfeed quizzes

What people think it means: I am immature.

What it actually means: I am bored out of my mind and so I need to know what type of bread I am based on my Disney preferences. It is necessary.


  • Naming my cacti

What people think it means: I am fucking weird.

What it actually means: I have friends.


  • I have glasses

What people think it means: I am intelligent and really blind – so blind that I can’t see people’s fingers

What it actually means: I don’t have ’20/20′ vision. (Please can someone burn that phrase. Much thank.)


  • Hiding in my house when someone knocks on the door

What people think it means: I am doing work.

What it actually means: I am terrified of interacting with real people and don’t want to force contact with other beings for a couple of seconds/ minutes/ hours/ days. Or that I am half way through an episode of something and I cba to open the door to the Amazon delivery guy.


  • Eating a lot

What people think it means: I have a problem

What it actually means: I like food (and I probably have a problem)


  • I don’t cry much

What people think it means: I am strong.

What it actually means: I supress my emotions and am wasting away inside.


  • Swearing a lot

What people think it means: I have a potty mouth and that I need to eat a bar of soap (my mum actually made me do that once)

What it actually means: I stubbed a part of my body against a sharp object and I need to let out my pain in an effective way.


  • Going to career fairs at school

What people think it means: I am really organised.

What it actually means: I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and will die in poverty if I don’t sort it our soon-ish.


  • Doing exercise

What people think it means: I am really healthy.

What it actually means: I broke another floorboard.


I hope that you all have a great week.

 

Best wishes,

Sofia

Things I Have Failed at This Week Even Though It’s Wednesday 

  • Functioning properly
  • Sleeping for the recommended number of hours a teenager should
  • Revising for mocks
  • Remembering where I put the present I bought for my secret santa 2 hours after it arrived
  • Arriving at school 5 minutes before registration
  • Blogging
  • Writing my articles for the school magazine
  • Reading more
  • Eating healthily
  • Speaking with other people
  • Buying Christmas presents for people
  • Making funny jokes that people other than me laugh at
  • I have almost definitely failed my end of topic Physics test
  • Getting to chapter 2 of The Catcher in the Rye, as I always start it at 23:00
  • Caring about the way my eyebrows look
  • Caring about the way my fringe looks (I’m so done btw)
  • Posting photos on Instagram that I won’t delete
  • Preventing myself from watching Gilmore Girls
  • Starting things and actually finishing them
  • Hiding my pure hatred of certain people
  • Choosing my A-levels
  • Drinking less caffeine
  • Checking my emails
  • Waving at people even though they weren’t looking at me

 

Hey guys,

This was supposed to be uploaded on the 7th December. Two weeks ago.

And yes, I know, this is incomplete; I just wanted to enlighten you with a prime example of my failure. After all, this post is all about how crap I am at doing other crap.

So, just imagine a messy-haired, could-pass-as-a-drug-addict  15 year old girl who needs to go to bed, and has under eye circles bigger and more long lasting than the Tesco bags for life; but is up at 2:00am writing a pretty average blog post that probably won’t even generate a smirk. Yes. That; the image you are envisioning, is me. Little non-drug addict me. Congrats.

And as you wonder why you even clicked on this unfinished post, I do the same, but asks myself why I even considered publishing it.

Sorry and see you on Friday.

 

Best wishes,

Sofia

ps. mock exams can duck themselves

 

15 Reasons Why I Hate Having Braces

This month marks the 2 year anniversary of my adventure with the metal ornaments in my mouth, and in honour of this staggering achievement I have decided to write a blog post complaining about them. Because I can.

So without further ado, here are 15 reasons why I hate my braces:

  1. Food always gets stuck in the small metal bits, and the process of getting it out without looking like you’re on drugs is so difficult. So, if you are getting them, or really want them, you better have an extremely flexible tongue.
  2. One of the worst things about the process are the dreaded orthodontist appointments that occur every 6 weeks when you get your braces tightened. (#saveyourself) Honestly, the pain is horrendous.
  3. Gum is much missed. Many sad, very stuckage.
  4. Additionally, I can’t eat whole apples without them breaking.
  5. Another reason why I hate them is the fact that everyone looks at your mouth when you speak. I mean, hello, I do have eyes as well as a mouth.
  6. A sad, sad, problem is that having braces means that you can’t cut tape using your teeth when scissors aren’t available 😦
  7. You also can’t smile without being self-conscious of the train tracks glued to your teeth, or without having the trauma displayed in every family photo for the 2 years that you have them.
  8. On that note, I think it’s time to mention the horrible, horrible, school photos that will remain with you (and your lovely friends) forever.
  9. Having coloured bands make it look even more shit, and you have to keep it for at least 6 weeks. So even if you want to spruce it up, or make it more exciting, it will look crap. It will always look crap. 
  10. You know the art of whistling that takes an average person until the age of 10 to master? Yeah, you lose that art. Which sucks. 
  11. How do you even floss?
  12. The undefined date for when you can finally get them off and find out whether or not you have cavities. 
  13. People think that you are younger than you are.
  14. When the braces slice the inside of your cheek and all you can taste is blood; which is enjoyable to say the least. 
  15. The lisp smh. 

Also, on a kind-of-related-but-not-really topic, I have recently found out that pineapples make my mouth bleed; it’s so upsetting.

Best wishes,

Sofia

10 Reasons Why Your Follower Count Is Irrelevant

Sup bruhs and brahs, doing well?

I have finally written a blog post in what seems like months, so it may be an absolute flop. Hey, ho. I’m sure at least one of you will like it. Hopefully.

This week: why your follower count is irrelevant. A post dedicated to all of those people who track their followers by numerous apps. (We all know you have the Instagram one.)

 

Anyway, let’s plunge into the deep, dark, depths of matters that are simply trivial to anyone older than 20:

  1. How many “likes” you receive on a photo, or how many friends you have on social media does not refelect your true self. On the mysterious world of the Internet, I guarantee that you do act like yourself on platforms like Instagram and Twitter, where your parents probably won’t know how to find your online profiles. If that’s the case, what’s the point of having x many people following you when you aren’t even acting the same way online and in person?
  2. It also does not reflect your, arguably, most important attributes; intellect and personality. On the whole, by posting a photo of your arse (that is actually incredibly flat in real life), it does not show off the fact that your brain is used for things other than posting vacuous photos of your posterior that will be forgotten in about a month.
  3. Speaking of intellect (or lack of), you may suffer from the inverse; expressing your knowledge using different social media platforms and in return having little followers. In response I will say that, in the whole grand scheme of things, how many streaks you have on Snapchat, or how many “likes” you gathered on Twitter doesn’t matter. (Although, to be fair, having a couple of retweets on a meme you made on photoshop doesn’t hurt your self-esteem.)
  4. In about 20 years time, when Facebook will be even less of a thing than it is now, everyone will have already forgotten about how many thumbs up they gathered from that one really “peng” profile picture. If I’m honest, it has probably already escaped the minds of most, if not all of your followers. And so if all of you pictures will be forgotten about or deleted, why bother with fretting over how many people follow (or stalk) you?
  5. However many “friends” you have online, in my mind, creates the false impression that you have such amount in real life. There must be a point that instead of taking photos with your friends to look back on, to mark a memory etc, you are only taking photos with him/her for the acceptance of society, and to showcase that friendship off in a less than *cough* modest *cough* way.
  6. It also creates the false impression that you are uglier/prettier than you actually are in real life. Throwing major shade, I know, however it has to be said. I, for one, probably look different than I do online, as I know many of my classmates do. I believe that by having so many followers it encourages you to behave differently and to post pictures that you know will cater to your audience, regardless of whether they are provocative or not. I also said that it can create the false impression that you are ugly, which is perhaps less likely. This said, I do know some people who look remarkably different on social media, thinking that they look good, when in actual fact they look atrocious. I would post photos, but it’s anti-bullying week.
  7. Just because you have 700+ followers does not mean that it is reflected with the amount of “likes” you get on your photos. Although, it does depend on what you post/retweet, I bet that no more than 1/2 of your followers “like” your photos regularly. And this amount gets even smaller as your follower count increases. So what’s with the obsession?
  8. A person may have 100 followers; 100 followers who love what that person does, posts; 100 followers who appreciate the person as an actual person rather than an image on a tablet or mobile phone. Or the person may have 10x that amount and have the majority of their followers care for the photos with more skin than clothing, or care for the photos that show off too much. And, of course the person with 10x the amount of the person with 100 followers will also have people who appreciate them as an individual, however which ratio would you prefer? Which demographic would you want?
  9. In some instances, a high follower count does provide an amazing way to spread your positive influence and ideas. However, other than celebrities and public figures, how many people do you know that use social media to express views that are important and that challenge your own way of thinking? What’s the point of having lots of followers and not utilising the opportunity to inspire them?
  10. Regardless of whether you have millions or tens of people looking at your content, what really matters, what really is relevant, is that you don’t seek validation from the number at the top of your profile. Lots of people need others to “like” their selfies and pictures to feel like they matter, when this shouldn’t be the case. The number at the top of your screen is irrelevant because your character and dignity is more than just a couple of people.

Now this post may seem like it has been written by an extremely bitter, unpopular teenager who is hating on those at the top of the social ladder because she can’t get there herself – and to some extent that is true.

From my point of view, the whole point of this post is to show you, the people of the world, that you don’t need 3000 “likes” or followers to feel ‘worthy’, to feel like you are someone. And also to give everyone a reality check: social media isn’t the be-all and end-all, (even though sometimes it may feel like it is).

Speak soon.

 

Best wishes,

Sofia

 

15 Reasons Why Going to an All-Girls School Sucks

  1. Although the drama and cattiness is mildly entertaining, my “love life” is not. In fact, my “love life” is completely non existent; not even a scent of lynx near me. Depressing right?
  2. It’s a common misconception that the majority of girls skive sports lessons, sitting on the field making daisy chains. Not true my friend, not true. The competitiveness between the girls in PE lessons is off the scale, with sports day showcasing this. *Not great for un-athletic individuals like me. (I came 13/14 in 1500m last sports day. Fml.) 
  3. Don’t even get me started on academic competition. 
  4. At least half of the people in your class are moody, hormonal wrecks who have over 600 followers on Instagram and you have no idea how or why. *I long for the day when I can waltz through the school knowing that everyone is terrified/ in awe of me at the same time. (Basically I long for the day when I am a living Regina George)
  5. The endless talk about parties (that you were not cool enough to attend) is mind numbing. I get it, you enjoyed Jazmine’s party five months ago, but do you really need to address this every maths lesson? 
  6. You can’t get away from the little 12 year old girls playing hide and seek with their massive rucksacks that would probably pass as a suitable size for DofE bronze. 
  7. Every birthday party is heavily thought out; the invitation list so intricate that everyone important is going, with a few dodgy invites and potential awkward moments to make your party the most talked about one for a couple of days. *A couple of days too long
  8. No one understands sarcasm, meaning that I have to explain my jokes all of the time, almost always followed by an explanation as to why that person shouldn’t be offended by the punch line. 
  9. My school recently altered the school rules so that girls aren’t allowed to leave to go to the toilet during lessons. This is okay if you have a normal sized bladder (some don’t and literally need to take a dump at least every other hour). However if it’s, you know, that time of the month and you really need the toilet, having male teachers is a pain in the backside. What do you say? Sorry mate, if you don’t let me leave I will bleed on the carpet like a scared elephant and it won’t be pleasant.
  10. Feminism is rammed down your throat in a verbally aggressive way. 
  11. The younger years are scared of you and the older years judge you, there is no in between. Can we all just be friends? *lol no way 
  12. Everyone’s obsessed with cake and it’s scary.
  13. There are actual debates about who the best Kardashian-Jenner sister is. Yes, seriously. 
  14. Nothing stays secret for too long, (depending on your friends and their loyalty). So make sure to surround yourself with the quiet ones. 
  15. So. Much. Bitchiness. I. Cannot. Cope. 

I guess high school isn’t that bad…

Best wishes,

Sofia

15 Things That I Have Learnt This School Year

  1. Individuality is important – that you should strive to be the perfect you, not the perfect replica of Megan next door.
  2. Stand up for your beliefs not anyone else’s – find out what view is before you start chanting other people’s (yes including your parents)
  3. And act on them – please practice what you preach; there is no one worse than a hypocrite. Don’t be the person that posts the quotes, be the person who makes them up.
  4. Address situations before they deteriorate – no one wants an infected wound, believe me. (Your doctor will also be pissed) (Don’t piss off your doctor)
  5. Ignore negative comments -whether they are posted underneath  a photo on social media, a video on YouTube, or said to your face; just block it out (unless you have a pretty awesome clap back in which case damn girl use it.
  6. Do what you love – I love eating and I’m happy being fat. (Insulation innit.)
  7. Value those who love you – they are probably going to be there for the long run whether you like it or not, so I guess you have to stick it out for a couple more years.
  8. Trust – don’t abuse it and take it for granted; it can ruin any type of relationship.
  9. To contain myself when in the presence of certain individuals – bite your cheek Sofia, don’t say what you want to say. However petty you are, however tempting it might be to whip out the screenshots – keep cool and collected.
  10. Don’t plagiarise – apparently it’s illegal and you can get in massive trouble. That’s what my teacher said when she handed back my history controlled assessment… (Just kidding I’m a nerd I would never)
  11. Your future is yours, no one else’s – it’s up to you to devise a life plan and follow it through – however stressful that is.
  12. Don’t do drugs kids – don’t be that person, don’t be that idiot.
  13. Also don’t steal – especially your aggressive little sister’s belongings, she doesn’t like it. #pray4sofia
  14. Smile through the shitty music that people like and play really loudly – it’s fine; in three minutes it will all be over. (At least they aren’t playing Adam Sandler films.)
  15. Dance how you like to dance, and sing like you can – screw it.

Thanks for reading this, I still don’t know what I’m doing, hence the inconsistency of my post uploads. I’m working on it.

Best wishes,

Sofia

15 Reasons Why I Hate Cats

Why do I dislike cats I hear you cry, well, here is a blog post all about it:

  1. Scary is not a strong enough adjective to describe the terrifying little creatures that crawl by my legs and make creepy “meow” sounds.
  2. I always have the feeling that they are going to suddenly jump on me. For example, I could be sitting in front of the television and then BOOM a cat flies across the room (like spiderman) onto my lap and it begins to violently scratch me. You know, like those videos on YouTube.
  3. They shed and I don’t think that I prepared for that. I mean, I don’t think that I would be mentally able to walk out of the house knowing that, along with all of my hairs, there are little ones sprawled across my legs and arms.
  4. I live next to a crazy cat lady who likes to feed hers at the table. With cutlery. *the mental image is strong.
  5. Cats smell. But to be fair I think everything does so I don’t think that this one really counts.
  6. My parents don’t like cats and I can’t make up my own opinions, so I guess I should just agree with them.
  7. I am allergic to them: they make my eyes go bloodshot, swell up and itch and when my eyes do weird things like that I generally can’t see; something which I don’t tend to enjoy. #darktimes
  8. When my dog sees cats she chases them, and most of the time she doesn’t come back. This leads me into a sweary frenzy which usually gets me into some kind sort of trouble as most of the time when I walk my dog there is at least one person who knows either me or my parents. Great.
  9. They always tresspass, it’s not acceptable. Someone call the Neighbourhood Watch!
  10. Cats also confuse me. Is a black cat good? Is it lucky or unlucky? I don’t know, and to be frank, I really don’t care.
  11. In my opinion, you can’t really get much out of cats. Fine, some of them look cute, but when you stroke them; show them love, they don’t give really give a toss. You may disagree…
  12. Similarly to no.11, they don’t really care. I swear cats rarely see their owners, they are too busy pooing in everyone’s gardens, freaking out pets (and people). Then they just wonder inside to receive their dinner, and leave again. So. Dull.
  13. There is a real stigma of having cats. If you are a single man you are labelled “odd” and if you are a single lady you are classed as a “cat lady”. These aren’t completely accurate, however from my experience they seem to be…
  14. Some of them are just unnecessarily bizarre looking. There is one type of cat, sphinx, that looks like it’s fur is inside out – not appealing to the eye.

15. Cats aren’t as cool as dogs *pretty much sums it up

 

Best wishes,

Sofia