Hey, it’s Hannah. Oh shit, that’s not my name.
My name is in fact Sofia, and that joke probably cost me three followers and the respect of most teenagers lol.
Anyway, in an attempt to make myself feel slightly better about my current relationship status (although it didn’t help), I contemplated why I am so alone; creating a list of 13 reasons why I still buy chocolate for myself.
- The origins of my loneliness can be traced back to Year 6, when I made the unfortunate decision to attend an all-girls’ school. This, for obvious reasons, didn’t help with the dating situation, as I spent 5 years surrounded by people with the wrong sex organ.
- However, as there was a boys’ school down the road, there was still a very slim chance of someone finding me vaguely attractive, especially as everyone knows that the guys and girls who were sociable when they were 11 go far in the relationship field. Sadly, I was always too afraid to speak to the opposite gender, and my horizons faded away.
- I then thought of the reason why the 11-year old boys didn’t speak to me, and immediately though it was the fact that I was too weird for them to cope with. I mean, my peculiarity repels people from being friends with, or associating with, me, so why should it be different for potential man-friends?
- I also considered the absence of having a Musical.ly account, and then concluded that having one would probably reduce the number of suitors clogging up my emails instead of ramping it up. This said, I have listed this as one of the reasons for my single life, because if I had an account, at least there would be a couple of 9-year olds who might find me attractive.
- As I metaphorically travelled through school, one of the big issues that emerged was my unrealistic relationship expectations. Watching films, reading shitty, romantic books, and listening to old Taylor Swift when I was 13/14, completely altered the way I envision having a relationship. Realistic isn’t first word that comes to mind when I picture my future boyfriend, and personally, I don’t think that I can settle for a simple slide in my DMs: I need roses, chocolate, Ryan Gosling, handwritten letters, public serenading, mixtapes, poems – the simple stuff.
- Oh, and I also became very needy.
- Another thing that didn’t help was the development of my social-awkwardness. I can’t function properly in an environment with other people without muttering ‘fml’ under my breath after every interaction or at the sight of potential interactions. So, you can imagine what I was like when I went to prom.
- Then I decided to stay at my school, which means that I will be spending my prime years (lol), surrounded by people whose opinions of my attractiveness don’t matter to me. I guess I could’ve taken my baggage to a mixed school, but I am too lazy, too scared and too hormonal for that kind of commitment, so I suppose being suppressed in an all-girls’ school works for the time being.
- Honestly, I am a big advocate for double-texting – something that I have been repeatedly told is a thing that people hate. I understand that this can be a massive turn-off, but I personally don’t believe that spamming people is a problem – I guess the number of guys I talk to speaks for itself.
- This said, the reason why I may not communicate with as many boys as my face suggests I should could be that I don’t actually like most of them. Now, don’t get me wrong, boys can be very lovely, but most of the time they aren’t and don’t text back. So, the lack of decent men in my life is definitely a reason why I am still single, not that they are throwing themselves at me anyway.
- The other thing about guys is that the ones who are attractive and have gReAT pErSOnaLiTIes are often the ones who are already taken. And, seeing as my relationship expectations are still the same as they were when I was a young teenager, I will have to keep waiting until there’s an availability.
- Another major reason as to why I am still single is that no one understands my obscure vine references, and this deeply, deeply upsets me and is one of the biggest red-flags. So essentially, I am turned-off by every guy I speak to due to their ignorance.
- Finally, the single life chose me. Don’t be mistaken, I didn’t intend to be in my mid-teens with a scented candle obsession and without being in a long-term relationship or having a steady income. You never know, from now until my next post, I might even buy a cat.
Honestly, I have no idea why I am single. Have you seen me? I am literally perfect.
That said, I’m good with not having to share my food for now. Although, if you ask me in a couple of days if I want to have a boyfriend, I will probably put up my cats for adoption and willingly hand myself over to the next potential suitor.